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Suzanne posted an update 6 months, 2 weeks ago
My heart is shattered into a million pieces. I unexpectedly had to say good bye to my Sebastian today. . This is the 4th cat I’ve lost in less than a year, all of them sudden and 3 unexpected. Sebastian appeared “normal” at his semi annual wellness exam, on Thursday, then Thursday night Friday, he just stopped eating and drinking and by Sunday was vomiting white foamy liquid to often to count. Got an emergency appointment with my vet at 9:00 this morning and blood work showed Kidney failure, suspected pancreatic cancer and urinalysis showed UTI, very unusual in male cats , among other issues. Doing further tests I was told really wasn’t t going to improve his chances, so I made the heart wrenching but compassionate and right choice to let him go, so he wouldn’t suffer anymore. I’m very thankful, that I had all day Saturday with him, I usually have to dog sit, as we were able to have lots of lap time and cuddle time together. By Sunday he wasn’t interested in being with me very much. Since Sebastian had lost his bonded brother Oliver, last March, he started to become a less timid more self confident cat, who when his younger fur siblings were not around, loved to sit in my lap. I will miss him coming to look for me when I was home when I was home. It was his way of saying why aren’t you sitting? I want to sit on your lap. The photos of Sebastian were taken by me before I let him go. Sebastian, my little lap buddy, the house will be so quiet with out you. You will be dearly missed but now you are reunited with your bonded brother, Oliver, your sweet toothless, gentle, Kalina, who, while she was only with us a short time, I know the two of you developed a special bound. While you and Freyja, much to my chagrin, never really got along, she’ll be there to welcome you too, to Rainbow Bridge! Run free my sweet little Sebastian. Sebastian is the orange/ginger kitty , Kalina is the tiger cat and Freyja, “queen” of the castle is the tuxedo cat.
I know this may seem
Crazy but because I suffered so many losses over the past 10 months,I’ve been seeing the needles, that the vet uses to help them cross the rainbow 🌈 bridge in my thoughts and I’m not sure how to get rid of this painful image. I’ve never really had any phobias that I’m aware of before and I really don’t want to start having one now but I’m really struggling to get this image out of my mind. I’m very thankful for this group. It’s really comforting to know I’m able to share my grief and pain over the loss of my fur babies with no fear of judgement. Takoda and Oreo seem to be taking Sebastian’s passing
In stride. While I’m sure they miss him in their own way , there was also no love lost between the 3 of them, especially on Sebastian’s part. I think one positive thing for them is that they now have full run of the house, where before they used to be confined to one room when I wasn’t home as Sebastian was a grazer and they are gobblers. I’m hoping soon to be able to fulfill my promise to Sebastian and Freyja, that I’ve made to each one of my babies, I’ve lost over the past 3 1/2 years, that I would adopt another cat in their memory, that needs a loving fur ever home as they once did. I’m just hoping and praying I’ll have Takoda, Oreo and my future new addition around for a while. I’m tired of all these good byes, even though i one I see them all again one day. Heaven help me then because I’ll really be known as the crazy cat lady , when they all come to meet and welcome and escort me across the rainbow bridge. I’m also aware Howe er, when I choose to adopt older, senior cats, their time with me may be short.
Regarding your recurring images of the needle: What did you do in the moments afterwards? Did you pet, embrace, kiss your babies as you whispered goodbye? Clip fur? Were you relieved for them being out of pain and at peace? Can you take your memory of the needle to the next step and go past the immediate moment to the time that followed? It may help to think of it as a brief moment in the total of your times together. I hope othesr in our community will offer you some helpful ideas.
Your commitment to adopt seniors is wonderful🙌, especially as we enter Spring and “kitten season” when older animals are often bypassed. I enjoyed five fabulous years with the 13 year old I adopted, and only five months with my 15 year old. Two of the five week olds I fostered died. There really is no telling how long we have, but we do know you are giving these deserving babies, of any age, a loving home for as long as you are together. That is magnificent of you.
Please share more any time you like. We’re here for you with care and undertsanding. Toni