Gracie

There was no question they belonged together. We had to wait two more weeks until he was ready to be picked up. During that time, my mother went out and bought any books about Yorkies she could find and all the beds, toys, supplies needed for a new Yorkie puppy. Gizmo and my mother were inseparable. My sisters and I would joke that Gizmo became her favorite kid. She never went anywhere without him, even took him to work with her.

Then, in February of 2014, my mother unexpectedly passed away. I was devastated and went to a really dark place. Gizmo saved my life. It was his cuddles, kisses, and presence that gave me a reason to wake up in the morning. In a way, he became a surrogate for my mother. He provided me unconditional love. I am single and live alone. He was the one I would talk to about my day when I would come home from work. He went with me everywhere when I wasn’t working. He was my best friend. We experienced so many life events together. Other than an torn ACL in 2021, he was pretty healthy.

On February 15, 2023, I woke up to Gizmo struggling to breathe. A trip to the emergency vet unearthed a diagnosis of pulmonary hypertension. Gizmo’s age was catching up with him. He did well on his medication and we spend a good 8 months together where he seemed like his old self.

Then, on September 21, his breathing became labored again. Another trip to the emergency vet. His pulmonary hypertension had gotten worse. They upped his medication. Then, three days later, he started having what I call “episodes”. It wasn’t until September 29, after a bad episode that saw us back in the ER, that I discovered these episodes he was having were seizures. He spent a week at home with me and proceeded to have a seizure every day. He started refusing his treats which then made it difficult to give him his medication. By the weekend, he was hardly eating. And he wasn’t walking as much. He would spend most of his time laying down and sleeping. And he would withdraw himself to my dark walk in closet instead of his usual places.

Then, on October 8, he had three seizures in the span of 8 hours. I remember holding him close to me after his second seizure and asking him to give me a sign that it was his time. About 30 minutes later, he sat up in bed and just looked at me with his deep brown eyes. I asked him if he needed to go potty or outside since this is how he usually indicated to be he need to do one of those things. He just continued to stare into my eyes for several minutes. Was this the sign I was looking for?

Then, he had his third seizure about 2 hours later. It was a really bad one. Rushed him to the ER. They explained he was experiencing cluster seizures. I was numb and in a blur of what was going on. I made the dreaded decision that day. I have been filled with such guilt and regret every since, wondering if there was more I could have done for him.

15 years, 6 months, and 27 days…that’s how long I was blessed to have Gizmo in my life. I would give anything to have just one more day with him.